I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
