So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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