I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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