feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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