her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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