you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
