Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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