I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
