He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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