A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
