This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
