how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
