we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
