there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
