You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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