Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
