speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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