It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
