The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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