is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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