Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
