he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i now understand why vodka
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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