we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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