I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
