i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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