I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
