new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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