I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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