first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
