Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
