I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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