He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
