My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
