Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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