we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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