We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
