idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
