I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
