Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
