I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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