I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
