HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
