There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
