there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
