i think my tv is drunk
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
