Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
