I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize