and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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