She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
