that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
