PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
