he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
