meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
