This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
