Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
