She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
