how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
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He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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