Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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