No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
