Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
