I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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