I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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