Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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