i just wanna soil my oats bro
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
