***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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