dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
