Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
