Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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