ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
