Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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