Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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