roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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