just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
