drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
