She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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