It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
