So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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