i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
