I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
