i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
