i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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