Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
