I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
