OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
