so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
