Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
