Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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